I'm feeling very lost at the moment. I currently have a group of friends from my old school that I consider myself very close with, but I'm not sure if I'm as close with them as I used to be. I've been so busy with school lately that I haven't had the time to actually see them face-to-face since September, but I talk to them online every day. My birthday is coming up very soon, and coincidentally, someone in my friend group has her birthday the day before mine. My friends have decided to plan a surprise birthday party for her, but it's as if they forgot that mine is the day after. And I know if they wanted to do a joint surprise, they wouldn't let me in on the plans in the first place. For some reason, this actually makes me feel really hurt, but at the same time, I wonder if I'm coming off as selfish? It's not as if I don't have any friends at this school because I really do (and I love them so, so much), but is this a sign to move on from my old friends?
Dear Confused Marshmallow,
If you really care about these friends, try to find more time to put into your relationships with them. However, you should still work hard to move forward in your friendships with your other group of friends. It is completely natural for friends to grow apart, especially after changing schools. It is possible for you to remain friends with the people from your old school without being as close as you used to be. Consider what is most important to you. Is it worth ruining friendships that you value over this birthday party? If it were not for this party, would you still want to stay friends with them despite not seeing them a lot?
Even though you are upset that they are probably not planning a surprise party for you, them including you in the plans for your other friends’ party shows that they care about you, and they still consider all of you to be friends with each other. There is still a chance that they remember your birthday. You are allowed to be upset, but it is up to you to decide if this is enough of a reason to move on from your old friends. Do you have any other feelings that make you want to abandon these friendships? You might just be getting too old for your friendships with these friends, and that feeling might just be coming apparent because of this birthday situation. You have multiple options, so trust your gut.